The Jan. 9 paper revealed that Sarah Palin will visit Louisville in April. Of course, upon reading this, I immediately concluded, “Sarah and I should hang out.”

But how, how would I reach the former governor of Alaska, the former Republican vice presidential candidate, to convince her to allow me to see the real Sarah Palin? I fantasized we might go thrifting, have lunch at El Mundo or the Mayan Cafe. (Hope she likes spicy food.) She could come over, have coffee. No — wine. We’d each have a glass of red wine.  It would be great. The more I thought about it, the more this seemed right: me and Sarah, buds, hanging out, girl talkin’.  But how can I reach her? Who can get me inside the Sarah Machine? Who can convince them I am worthy? Do I know anyone who knows someone who has clout?

So of course, the first thing I did was announce what I’m calling SarahQuest on Facebook. Maybe one of my contacts has contacts who can help.

Get this: Turns out I have a second cousin whose husband is a distant relation of the governor. Unfortunately, the cousin says the best she can do is set up a meeting with her 18-year-old niece, also Sarah Palin, who lives in Texas. But I must disqualify the niece on two counts. First, she is not now and never has been the governor of Alaska, and second, she isn’t coming to Louisville. Too bad. So close. So very very close.

Next, I became a fan of Sarah Palin on Facebook. Much to my surprise, this brought no response from the governor and her minions.

OK, so I’m only one of 1 million-plus supporters, but still.

The other thing I did was contact one of the editors I work for and ask him if he could help influence this at all by putting in an official request to the minions. But it’s the weekend, so no word from him yet.

Next, of course, I Googled. If you enter the words “Sarahpalin” as one word in Google, the first hit is her Facebook site. The second is for current Alaska Gov. Sean Parnell. This seems just wrong. Sarah Palin should dominate at least the entire first Google page of any search of her name. When I remembered to hit the space bar, I found SarahPAC and wrote to that website to find out who I can talk to about hanging out with the governor. I got an immediate electronic thank you for my email.

“Due to the large number of responses, it may take awhile for us to fully respond,” the email read.

This is disappointing.

I also found a site that said it identified five Sarah Palin impersonators in Louisville. But on closer inspection, it identified one fake Sarah, and she lives in Los Angeles, which the site helpfully told me is 1,899 miles from Louisville.

Google also provided a link to The Sarah Palin Blog.

I have a lot of research to do to prepare to hang out with the gov. Her book is on order, and in the meantime, I’m working my way through the blog.

If you have any suggestions to aid me in SarahQuest, please, send them on.